Tangled Up in Why

Blog – 9-6-17

Life is teaching me a valuable lesson lately. It’s one I’ve learned along the way, forgotten to follow at times, and a lesson I don’t always like, to be honest.

Sometimes things just can’t be figured out. Sometimes there are no good answers to our questions why.

Truth is, we like to analyze the in’s and out’s of situations because we think we will somehow feel better if we understand the why behind hard things in our life. We try to figure out why people hurt us. We question God’s plan when bad things happen to good people.

We argue with the realities of our life.

God first taught me that sometimes there are no good answers to our why’s years ago when I was going through infertility. I was finally at the end of a very long, very painful journey and preparing myself for a hysterectomy, which meant, obviously, my dream of being pregnant was over. I tried like crazy to make sense of it. I needed an answer to the why. Why was God doing this to me? What had I done wrong? Why could everyone else around me get pregnant at the drop of a hat? Why would God allow a 13-year-old girl (my youngest son’s birthmother) to get pregnant, yet I remained barren?

None of it made any sense, and I got totally and completely tangled up in the why.

After a four-hour battle with God where I wrestled once and for all with that nagging question why, I finally gave in. I finally let go. And when I did, He gently held me and whispered to my soul, “I’m sorry.” A peace washed over me that I can’t describe, but it was very real. There was no magic reason that suddenly appeared that made it all make sense. There was no change in my situation…simply a change in my heart as I released my need to know why and trusted in God’s plan. I finally accepted my reality and dealt with it, knowing that God was with me and would love me through it.

Letting go of the need to know why changed everything!

I have a dear friend who is asking a lot of “why” questions right now. Some really bad things are happening in her life, and she needs the support of her family. Reality for her, however, is the people she loves are letting her down big-time. These aren’t just little things like missing a birthday. These are major, life-changing times when you need your family, and, unfortunately, they aren’t there for her.

I talked to her on the phone last night and encouraged her as best I could as she kept saying over and over, “I just don’t understand why.” There are no words that can take the hurt and rejection she’s feeling away. Nothing. The Holy Spirit gently reminded me of my own struggle with why and I was able to share that with her and encourage her that sometimes things can’t be figured out. Sometimes there’s no making sense out of our pain. Sometimes we need to simply let go and let God fill in the gaps those wounds leave.

And the good news is, God is doing exactly that! Sweet women from her church are acting like Grandma’s and filling in the void left by her mother’s absence. Friends are caring for her physical needs. Her beloved dogs are her constant companions. I desperately want to get on a plane and go to her, but I can’t. Yet, God gives me the opportunity to pray for her, encourage her, and be His hands and feet, even though I can’t be physically present with her.

Some of you reading this may be caught in the “trying-to-figure-it-out” trap. I urge you, sometimes the only answer is to let it go. Getting tangled up in the why won’t get you anywhere. There are things in life that will never make sense this side of heaven….NEVER!

I believe we are called to simply let go and fix our eyes on Jesus.

The Spirit moved me to write a song today to go along with this theme. I hesitated to record it because I will probably tweak it and rewrite it, but I feel like somebody out there needs to hear it, so I’ve included a very ROUGH video of the song. I would love to hear what you think of it. The lyrics are also below.

I want to encourage you, my friend, if you’re in the middle of a situation you can’t make sense of, don’t get tangled up in the why. Let go and fix your eyes on Jesus.

Hugs and love,


Fix My Eyes On You
Words and music by Jill Miller © 2017

My head’s spinning as I hang up the phone
She knows I need her yet I’m sitting here alone
Sometimes people let you down, that’s just the way it is
And all my analyzing will never change what is
When I’m tangled up in why and my pain’s on overdrive

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You
Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You

I’ve had to learn this a time or two before
Every time I feel this way it makes me want you more
So, Father, keep on teaching me how to live in my reality
Give me a heart to see
When life’s not making sense you’re my hope and confidence

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You
Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You
Remind me once again
You will love me to the last amen

I throw away the need to know
As I trust you, Father, and let go

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You
Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You
Remind me once again
You will love me to the last amen
Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You
Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on You


Fix My Eyes On You – Click to Listen


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